Reality of Cultural Havocs on Marriage and Families

Reality of Cultural Havocs on Marriages and Families
By: Olaniyi Isaac, Omibeku (PIO)

It was Chris McGold who defined culture as a line any group draws that separates the behaviours they advocate and tolerate from the behaviours they refuse to tolerate. I agree with that.

The lines between the acceptable ways of life and those that are not acceptable are visibly printed everywhere. Culture is real however, at the same time it is dynamic. It changes from time to time unannounced and unpremeditated.

The dynamism of culture informs the emergence of cultural drift and cultural shift in most part of the world today.

Today, we talk of communication culture; educational culture; economic culture, financial culture; spiritual culture; entertainment culture; dressing and fashion culture; spiritual culture. My interest is centred on marital and family culture.

Default and Intentional Culture
There is a trend in the permissive nature many people approach have towards cultural change. When any a family allows a cultural display of anything goes without any disciplined approach to correcting wrong then, danger is looming. That is what a writer called default culture.

Default culture of a family takes its shape from the environment a family finds herself. What you hear daily; what you see often; the common practices around you are allowed to determine and drive your family disposition without any check.

Permitting default Culture has wrecked more havocs in many lives than good.

Intentional Culture: A necessity
However, by choice any family can be intentional in their determination of cultural acceptance. Understanding the power culture holds over all the aspects of your family life, family performance and you are willing to design and sustain a definite and specific culture is being intentional.

To have intentional culture in a family, the decision makers must be willing and committed to enforcing the specifics.

Marital Intimacy Under Attack
We must not shy away from reality of marital intimacy has a strong pivot for marital unions. Frankly speaking, sexual intimacy cannot be underplayed in any good marital relationship. Sexual intimacy in a holy marriage is a lubricant for the marriage engine. Doubtless, it is the most secretive part of married couples' lives yet, the strongest reason for most public outcry of couples.

There is a cultural drift because of the kind of information families and couples are exposed to at different times. When wrong information are peddled, wrong knowledge are impacted which will eventually culminate in imbibing wrong culture.

Here are some of the information that informs unwelcome cultural drift.

1. Don't discuss about sex with people. How does it sound? Harmless? As harmlessly as it may sound, there are a a lot of embedded havocs that seemingly harmless is.
Why?
At the centre of its univere is the reason many couples mute their sexual needs. Many children cannot discuss their sexual experiences whether good or bad with there parents or other source of help.

This culture is greatly the wheel driving the festering effects of sexual abuses of innocent children.

Let it be sounded loud and clear that sexuality, sexual abuses, sexual advances, sexual suggestions must be addressed in families. Daughters and sons must be able to confidently approach her father and mother without fear of any sort to discuss their sexual experiences.

We must refrain from abusive and vulgar discussions about sex but we must not be tempted to keep silent about its sanctity and sanity as God ordained and ordered it.

2. Don't talk about sex with your spouse:
Most times, this is a statement directed at women. I have heard young women saying that they heard this when preparing for marriage. Isn't that funny? The defence for this is to forestall the husband thinking that she is cheap and promiscuous.
What a pretense!

If your husband is the type that would think that you are promiscuous if you discuss your sexual need then, you need to arrange a marriage counselling session for him.

The consequence of this cultural absurdity is evident in many marriages in the ways channels of communication are frozen up. That is why some couples enjoy their unions while others endure theirs. Therefore, I demand that that kind of culture be thrown away because, it is ungodly, illegal, destructive, and unbiblical.

To root out that default culture, every couple must ensure they are intentional and deliberate about discussing their sexual needs with each other.

Husbands should help their wives whose lives have been accustomed to such culture by default in order to create a cultural shift in the right direction.

3. Don't discuss sex in public: I found out that children are at receiving end and many parents are guilty as they prevent their children and wards from knowing what is sexually right and defend same in public. Also, it hinders those children from developing the boldness and courage to condemn what is sexually wrong in public simply because by default, sex was not to be discussed in public.

Parents should take note that whether they like it or not, the children will still discuss sex either rightly or wrongly. Therefore, with that consciousness, why would parents leave there children to learn about sex from another child or children in their school or neighbourhood?

That default culture must be urgently addressed and halted by creating intentional cultural shift.
Parent should intentionally open a line of discussion about sex and sexuality with their children to understand them first and to correct other erroneous instincts.

Secondly, parents are not expected to keep quiet watching sexually explicit and sexually suggestive scenes in movies and musicals (not expected to be in their homes though). Condemn what is needed to be condemned. Talk sex with your children.

It is not dirty for parents to talk to their children about sex. It is devastating for parents to keep silent about sex for the children to learn about sex from wrong sources.

Start talking about it now!
The most sacred book I have ever read , the Holy Bible, even speaks clearly and openly about the plan, the purpose, the pursuit, the practice, the process, the precept, and the products of sex and sexuality.
Never forget that the correctness of your sexuality and that of your children is one of the evidences of the correctness of your spirituality and that of your children.

4. Women are not meant to enjoy sex: What an awkward concept! While ruminating over this I felt that the statement was started off by an oppressor. If the Maker of humanity wants this to be so, he would have deposited all sexual hormones and drives in man only. For the fact that they have the drives and all the hormones working in them, they must enjoy every sense of their sexual experiences.

It is strange when I discovered that this assertion has been with us for a long time. Being long notwithstanding, it must be discontinued. That kind of default culture must give way for intentional culture.

That a great grandmother somewhere didn't enjoy her sexual experience in her time doesn't justify your wife's  sexual discolouration and oppression. She ought to.

A woman should enjoy her sexual experiences with her spouse, all things been equal.
Reality Wisdom 1: This is focused on men especially, those who have the mind that their wives' sexual enjoyment is not important.
Tell them to be intentional about learning how to bring their wives from being a cold sexual dummies to a lively 5-star rated lively mistress in bed. Learn the art and act of lovemaking God's ways. The evidence of your knowledge in the act is your wife expressions of appreciation after the return flight from the moon. That connect doesn't happen by default, it must be intentionally constructed.

Using a woman as a sex tool than a partner she is meant to be is the reason  for intentional disconnection between couples. Meanwhile, intentional culture of course is not going to be easy, it will require doggedness, hard, and tenacious work.

5. Wives are not supposed to request for sex from their husband:
How they came about this, is not my business but I want to refute it upfront that it had ruined many lives, women and marriages where it is accepted has default culture.
It is from the sexual slavery masterminds. Whatever is the need of your spouse, it must be provided as he or she asks if thy power to give it.

Apostle Paul knew it well and made it clear for couple to know that he owns his body FOR HIS wife and she owns hers for HER husband 1 Corinthians 7:3-4

Sound 🔊 Off 📴
Share with us what you think about cultural havoc and ways it is affecting families and couples.